For the majority of my adult life, I have struggled with my weight. Being tall has its advantages, but being overweight has cost me quite a lot.
Not just the physical price I have paid in painful knees, hips & lower back.
Or the financial price because it’s hard to find clothes that fit (both height-wise or around my generous girth), let alone go together.
Or the price to my health of struggling to keep up with others, struggling to walk long distances, struggling to climb hills without getting out of breath (and don’t even talk to me about running…).
Even when I was fit, playing badminton regularly, I was still overweight.
But the mental price I have paid in low self-esteem has been the one that has cost the most.
Yes, I may often have seemed bubbly & outgoing on the outside, and oftentimes I was on the inside too. But so many times I was crying on the inside.
Years of berating myself for being “too fat”, “too clumsy”, “too heavy”, even “too tall” (why are all the tall guys with the short girls?! It’s just not fair!)
Years of putting myself down because I was never as stylish or well dressed as all the other girls… while often standing a head taller than most of them (doesn’t make it easy to be a wallflower, but I did a pretty good job of being invisible).
Years of pretending it didn’t hurt when I was overlooked time and time again by guys who would tell me how much fun I was, then would walk off with one of my girlfriends.
Years of using my physical size as an excuse to sit on the sidelines & not take part. Not putting myself out there as much as I wanted to, because of course, I’d humiliate myself, right? Somehow I would stand out and I didn’t want that… I wanted more than anything to fit in.
Years of chocolate abuse because it was the one thing that was always there for me and always made me feel good… for a short while at least.
Years of either feeling guilty or judging myself for everything I put in my mouth. Of trying many different ways to lose weight, because that was the only thing that stood between me and happy ever after… right?
Wrong.
So wrong.
So eventually I stopped.
Stopped judging myself based on how I thought others saw me.
Stopped berating myself for being “too” anything.
Stopped hurting myself by over-eating.
And started loving myself.
Started accepting myself for who I am – all of me, lumps ‘n bumps ‘n all.
Started to be my own cheerleader.
I stopped needing anyone else to tell me how beautiful I am, inside or out. Because I started to understand that the only person whose opinion counts is my own.
I stopped needing to dress to impress anyone but myself. Because I started realising that feeling good on the outside starts with feeling good on the inside.
And stopped looking for things outside of me to make me happy. Because I realised that the only person responsible for my happiness – is me.
And that’s when everything changed.
When I let go.
When I surrendered.
When I sat fully in acceptance of What Is… not What Could Be.
It has been a journey, a tough one. But the greatest gift I have given myself is love.
And since I started doing that, all the things I ever wanted in life have started coming towards me.
Money.
Adventure.
Friends.
Romance.
And now, finally, my health is coming too.
📉 Thankfully, after a challenging couple of years (the pandemic not helping) where my weight was spiralling out of control and I felt powerless to stop it, I have not only reversed the trend but I have swung it massively in the opposite direction.
💃 With the amazing help & guidance of a wonderful, fun, caring Swedish friend & health coach by the name of Kari Martens, who was waiting in the wings to help me as soon as I was ready (which took me over a year!) and with the support of my nearest & dearest, I set out on a journey back in August to start respecting my body and learning how to treat it right.
🌟 And I’m pleased to report that in the space of 11 weeks, I’ve managed to lose 2 stone in weight (13kg or 28lbs). Which, quite frankly, in my book is an astonishing achievement! 😲
But this journey is about far more than just losing weight. It’s about learning how to look after, nourish & respect my body. It’s about how to have the energy that someone of my age should have. It’s about learning about nutrition. It’s about lasting lifestyle change.
Now that I no longer feel the need to be anything other than who I already am, I have found the right motivation for this.
Because it no longer has anything to do with how I look on the outside, and everything to do with how I feel on the inside.
And I feel great!!!
I have so much more energy than I did when I was living basically on sugar alone.
My skin is clearing up, my joints are protesting a lot less and I get out of breath less often than before.
And we haven’t even started doing much on the exercise front yet!
I’m still a long way from where I want to be, and I will keep on going until I get there, but I think it’s time I started sharing my journey & celebrating my wins along the way 🥳
🎉 So please take a moment to celebrate with me! 🎉
And then turn around and tell yourself that you’re beautiful too, inside and out.
No matter if your mind jumps in with a “no I’m not, not really.” If it tries to tell you you’re “too” anything. Too short, too skinny, too dark, too pale, too chubby, too whatever.
You. Are. Not. Your. Mind.
So smile, and tell your mind that you are beautiful and that you are perfectly imperfect 🥰
Look yourself in the eye and say it like you mean it.
Because I believe we all are. Every single one of us is a marvellous unique incredible beautiful creation.
And we all deserve to shine.
We just sometimes need to adjust our perspective so we can see it for ourselves.
With love,
